I truly appreciate having loving quality friends who all care for me in their own way. I always know the love is there even when I take fire from them & give i give it back. In the past I didn’t understand and I’m sure I got defensive and fired back hard. My defense mechanism of choice was always anger. I notice other people like to play dumb, ignore, hide, retaliate,lie, deflect, accuse, change subject, ignore, But for me I learned anger was effective as a little boy in the hood defending myself against bigger stronger wild animals.😂😂😂 it worked tho. Up until I started using it on the people that I loved most due to their indiffence when they were needed and they were oblivious to me and my needs. I do you can imagine that created a cycle of dysfunction. So I learn to keep my distance to keep from being triggered. 🤷🏾♂️ But you can’t hide from yourself. Your weaknesses are with you. They keep showing up. So even though the anger was effective at getting my point across and backing people up. It was making new problems I could not see. The people closest to me were getting eviscerated from time to time and they couldnt understand why. Smh. How could the completely blameless be guilty of hurting someone??? Lol. Brass monkeys 🐵 😢 Anyhow it becomes a vicious cycle that never ends until you figure out how stop it.
That may be when you figure out that your well-being is your priority and you should get to work serving, loving & healing yourself. and be willing to let go of everything else you are making up. A prison of your own making. Trying to live up to the perception, misperceptions of all the different people that know and love you. Or trying to live up to your own thoughts and judgments that you assume everyone has but don’t realize they don’t. And even if it did it doesn’t matter. That is #oldworld Time to be #authentic
Enjoy life for real